How to Talk to Someone Who May Be Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts
Talking to someone you care about when you think they may be experiencing suicidal thoughts is one of the most important and most courageous things you can do. But it’s not easy. Many people worry about saying the wrong thing, overstepping, or making the situation worse. These feelings are completely normal and valid.
The truth is: you don’t have to have all the right words and talking about it actually helps save lives.
In this post, we’ll explore how to move past the initial discomfort and offer support in a way that is honest, compassionate, and helpful.
Before the Conversation: Preparing Yourself
1. Check in with your intentions.
Ask yourself: Why do I want to talk to them? If your intention is to support them, listen, and make sure they’re not alone, you’re in the right place.
This mindset helps you approach the conversation with empathy rather than fear or judgment. One important thing to remember is that you’re not here to “fix” them or “heal” them. You’re there to walk alongside them and remind them that they are not alone.
2. Let go of perfection.
Find a moment where you both feel comfortable and won’t be rushed or interrupted. A quiet walk, a drive, or sitting side-by-side can reduce pressure and make space for vulnerability.
Being intentional about timing and setting can make the conversation feel less confrontational and more supportive.
4. Educate yourself (a little).
It can help to be familiar with warning signs of suicide and available resources (such as texting 988 for some guidance). You don’t need to solve everything, you just want to know how to guide them toward help if needed. Even a basic understanding of mental health can increase your confidence and ability to respond with compassion.
During the Conversation: Lean into Connection
1. Start with care, not confrontation.
You might begin with something like:
“Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve seemed really down lately. I just want you to know I care about you. How have you been feeling?”
Or:
“You’ve been on my mind. I wanted to check in. Is everything okay?”
Starting gently shows that your concern comes from a place of love, not interrogation. It lowers defenses and opens the door to honesty.
2. Use open, direct language.
If you’re truly concerned about suicidal thoughts, don’t be afraid to ask them. You won’t cause someone to think about suicide just by asking about it. In fact, asking directly can be one of the most helpful things you do.
Many people avoid using the word suicide because they’re afraid it will make things worse or somehow “introduce” the idea. But research and experience show the opposite: talking about suicide does not increase risk—it reduces it. When someone is already struggling with suicidal thoughts, being asked directly can actually be a huge relief. It gives them permission to talk about something they’ve likely been holding in silence and shame.
By asking with care – Have you been thinking about suicide?”—you’re letting them know that you’re safe, that they’re not alone, and that they don’t have to hide. It opens the door to connection, which is often the first step toward healing.
Silence reinforces stigma. Honest, loving conversation helps break it.
“Have you had thoughts of hurting yourself?”
“Are you thinking about suicide?”
Being direct shows that you’re not afraid to hear the truth, and that you’re someone they can be honest with. Avoiding the word “suicide” can unintentionally reinforce stigma.
3. Listen more than you talk.
You don’t need to fix them. Just listen with compassion. Resist the urge to offer quick advice or talk them out of their feelings. Reflect what you hear:
“That sounds incredibly hard.”
“Thank you for trusting me with this.”
Letting them speak without interruption can be profoundly healing. Silence, nodding, or simply being present can speak volumes.
4. Stay calm and present.
Even if what they say shocks or scares you, staying grounded helps them feel safe. Breathe. Stay with them in the moment. If you panic, they might feel like they need to protect you which can deepen their sense of isolation. Your steady presence is more powerful than any advice.
5. Encourage professional support.
If they’re open to it, gently encourage your friend to speak with a therapist, counselor, or mental health provider. Professional support is key to long-term healing, and while your care makes a difference, you cannot carry it by yourself. Offer to help them look up therapists, make a call, or even go with them to an appointment if they’re nervous. You might say, “Talking to someone trained in this could really help and you deserve that kind of support.”
After the Conversation: Keep Showing Up
1. Follow Up.
A simple text the next day such as “Thinking of you today. I’m here.” can mean more than you know to let them know that they are not forgotten or that you were not “put off” by the conversation. Regular, gentle check-ins show that your support wasn’t a one-time offer and will build trust and connection during this sensitive time.
2. Respect their boundaries.
At times, they may not want to talk more right away and seem even more distant. It can actually be a bit painful or confusing when someone becomes more distant even after you tried to help. However, remember that this is not a rejection of you – it’s a sign of how overwhelmed or vulnerable they may be feeling. Opening up about suicidal thoughts is incredibly hard, and after the conversation, they may need time to process what was said or simply take the space to regroup emotionally.
Your job isn’t to chase or pressure them, but to remain a steady, non-judgmental presence. Keep showing gentle care through small check-ins, even if they don’t respond. A simple message like “I’m still here if you ever want to talk” can remind them that the door is still open.
3. Take care of yourself.
Remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup. Supporting someone else, especially through suicidal thoughts and depression, can also be emotionally heavy. Make sure you have your own support system and outlets, like talking to your own therapist, friend, counselor, or pastor who can help you stay grounded and emotionally healthy.
Recognize when the situation is beyond what you can carry and encourage your friend to seek help from a therapist or crisis service. Supporting them means helping connect them to the right kind of care.
Connection Saves Lives
Talking about suicide can feel uncomfortable, but silence is far more dangerous than the discomfort of an honest conversation. When someone is struggling with suicidal thoughts, they’re often feeling isolated, ashamed, or convinced that no one would understand. Simply asking how they’re really doing, or naming the word “suicide” without fear, can break through that isolation and let them know they’re not alone. Research consistently shows that people are less likely to act on suicidal thoughts when they feel supported, seen, and heard.
Staying connected through regular check-ins, texts, calls, or quiet presence can indeed save a life. It doesn’t take grand gestures; just being there, again and again, helps build a bridge of safety and trust. When someone knows they matter to you, and that they’re not a burden, it can give them the strength to keep going and the courage to reach out for help. Connection is not a cure, but it is a powerful act of prevention.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or needs help, reach out:
- Fully Health: info@fullyhealth.org or 1 877-553-8559
- National Helpline at 988 in the United States
- Text “HELLO” to 741741 (Crisis Text Line)
Dial 911 if you believe someone cannot remain safely alone and is imminently in danger to harm themselves.
When someone is struggling with suicidal thoughts, our role isn’t to have all the answers, but to reflect God’s love through listening, presence, and grace. Gentleness doesn’t mean weakness, it means showing up with humility, patience, and a heart willing to walk with someone through the valley. Trust that God can use even a quiet conversation to bring light into someone’s darkest hour.
The compassionate team of licensed therapists at Fully Health Clinic, sponsored by Oak Health Foundation, is here to walk with you whether you’re supporting a friend or facing your own mental health challenges. Contact us here or at +1 877-553-8559 to schedule a confidential appointment and take the first step toward healing and hope.
If you found our resources useful, please consider donating to Oak Health Foundation, which is a 501(3)c nonprofit dedicated to providing resources regarding holistic mental healthcare and subsidized treatment for those in nee
